The Hurt Goes On...

A sadder tear I never wept
Until the day you left me
And my hot hurt heart
holds hot wet drops of salty
eye juice
Just near the surface of my sanity

A wetter face I never had
for I still dont really know
Why you dropped me
Suddenly stopped me,
robbed me, killed me, left me low
Why did you have to go?

A shattered dream I never had
before you broke my heart
I blame you yet I shouldn’t
I’m sure I played a part
but its no lie
My beloved agent of change

A restless mind I never had
so much the thoughts that whirl
And every time I see a place
perhaps a place we went
I die
Cos I love you so – why did you go?

A rational mind I never had
So much logic and reasoning why
you went? Because because because
But bloody “because” beats my brain
Underneath I
still have hurt with logicless sadness

A darker day I never had
No way can I think to work
or work to think my office role
My constant, churning thoughts of you
dominate
the dim darkness of my doom and gloom

A greater love I never had
the perfect potential that we had
seems so shameful and sad to lose
and so I feel I must always hope
for us
one day we’ll be ‘us’ again

(Written after a relationship breakup)

(c)John Torquil

Hi Again Pain

Hello again
Pain
Makes me feel sane
Again
How my old friend are you?
Hitting me hard and then soft
I feel your gentle pull
In the heartstrings
In the sharp sting
of fate
So I sing
My only option
No lose but no win
Only thy shattered face again
So familiar
No pain no gain
Again
This world
So vast and incomprehensible
Why then why now and when?
And so reminds me 
And redefines me
Awkward verse
Like an awkward teen
Bent in half 
Like a burning spleen
Instant yet cold
Hot yet old
Foaming like a troubled sea
Then again it comes to be
Comes to me
Oh vast and terrifying destiny.

Copyright Torquil, 2008
(written in eternity)